An arch-enemy compels us to confront what we desire — not in another person, but for ourselves
A few years ago, I woke cotton-mouthed and clammy from a dream about a woman I used to know. I had not seen her in person since high school graduation, but once or twice a year, we met in a dream. In this one, we were back in a room with old teachers and friends, where I had to give a talk. I arrived late, half-dressed, unsure what to say. This woman, I’ll call her Alison, sat in front, smirking and perfectly made-up. The tilt of her eyes suggested I was not only dumb, but mean.
I was in the early stages of my first real relationship, with an older rock-climber, and Alison had just learnt we were hanging out. “You’ve broken the cardinal rule of friendship,” she said, icy but placid. I knew he had once liked Alison, but I also knew she hadn’t liked him back, that she had just liked him liking her. I hadn’t asked Alison’s “permission” to see him, perhaps because I thought he was fair game or perhaps because I knew she wouldn’t give it. “But — you don’t like him.
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