According to a recent study, only 50 per cent of the people we consider friends actually feel the same way.
Maybe my company was just a way to pass the time between work meetings and other social events. I’ve started feeling like I hallucinated the whole friendship – the way we gossiped over morning coffees and late-night cocktails about shared nemeses and mental health and podcasts and shih tzus – not to mention discussing more serious topics, like our partners and careers. I even spent one of my last nights in Sydney with her, having dinner.
Now, I’m left wondering what to do with the memories I have, because perhaps I have misremembered them all along. The last time I saw her was in London, and she had cancelled on me last-minute three times in the previous week. So, perhaps this dramatic exit from my life had been coming for a while. She was probably trying, even then, to get rid of me. When I think about it long enough, though, I’m angry.
She should have had the courage to tell me. If you’re leaving a romantic partner, you give that person a reason why. The same protocol should exist for friendships. Without it, we’re left with ghosting and being ghosted – leaving meaningful relationships without any sort of goodbye or closure. Even if it had hurt me to listen to her justification, it still would have given me some closure. As it is, I’m just hurt and confused – and left to ponder my own insecurities.
I don’t know if I will ever see my so-called friend again – or what I would say to her if I did. I know that she is well, and on the grid, and happily using WiFi for other purposes than responding to my WhatsApp. Still, at this point, there’s no logical explanation that can heal our friendship. I may never know why this happened. So, I am left with my bafflement and my potentially embellished memories and what I can glimpse of her life from Instagram.
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