There may be unfinished business from your infancy or early childhood that you are trying to conclude by longing for something unobtainable
‘I’ve fallen in love with a married straight guy 10 years my junior and I can’t stop the intensity of my feelings for him – it’s agony.’‘I’ve fallen in love with a married straight guy 10 years my junior and I can’t stop the intensity of my feelings for him – it’s agony.’
work. We get on well and have struck up a companionable working relationship, but my feelings for him have become deeper – and it’s agony. This is not the first time I’ve done this. Over the years there have been others that I’ve secretly fallen for, so I guess it’s a bit of a pattern. The first time was when I was at school at 14. I fell in love with a friend and my feelings were so intense I couldn’t tell anyone, not even him. I couldn’t even admit I was gay at that age. This current crush feels as bad as that. I know this sounds pathetic, but I feel absolutely broken by this.
I noticed in my psychotherapy practice that we humans are vulnerable to obsessions and fixations when we want to distract ourselves from a deeper problem we can’t bear to think about. This could be not facing up to a bereavement in your life, or a loss likely to happen soon, or it could be that you need to feel a deeper connection with yourself and it just seems easier to ache for a deeper connection with an unobtainable other.
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