The age old question, answered by slutever.
In a way, I relate to that. For many years of my life, sex was largely a performance—deep throating upside down until I got lockjaw and arching my back like a budget Simone Biles. I was so concerned with whether the guy was enjoying sex that I forgot to think about me.
If he didn’t leave elated, I told myself it meant I wasn’t hot enough or “good in bed” . It became difficult to untangle what I liked from the ability to provide what he liked. And, annoyingly, I can’t blame men for this. Meanwhile, the dude was often performing some warped idea of masculinity, slapping my crotch as if sex was a never-ending Brazzers audition. Faking it, it turns out, isn’t exclusively a woman thing. I had my first orgasm with a guy at 22. After that I could get there occasionally—usually while getting head, squeezing my eyes shut, and focusing on flashbacks of gang bang porn like it was the SATs. At 27, I started dating a woman, and magically—or predictably?—cumming during sex became the norm. I’m not one of those people who blame the patriarchy for everything from office temperature to traffic jams, but I do think that from a young age women internalize the idea that being assertive makes you a bossy, controlling bitch. We are taught that we should sacrifice our needs in favor of a man’s—or else risk pushing him away–slash–dying alone. But with a woman I could suddenly relax. After my girlfriend and I broke up a few years later, I vowed never to go back to my con artist ways. I’d occasionally slip, but faking it started to feel like smoking a cigarette after telling yourself you’re going to quit. My lez relationship was the control group in the experiment of sexual authenticity, and the results were a resounding: What the fuck are you doing?It’s no secret: Faking an orgasm is like giving your dog a treat after he tears up the sofa. If you pretend to cum when a guy is flicking your clit like it's a stray crumb, then he’s going to keep doing that until eternity—with you, but also with every poor girl who cums after. Essentially, faking it is detrimental to womankind. It’s also manipulative. In a way, faking it robs your partner of their sexual autonomy. While cheating is widely condemned, faking is a form of sexual deceit that’s weirdly given a pass. But if a guy faked it with me, I’d be so angry. And embarrassed, knowing he thought my ego was so fragile that he needed to lie to protect me. Like, I’m all down for fantasy role play, but only when I’m in on it—otherwise I’d rather be home jerking off toWhile I’ve painted a sad portrait of my sexual youth, it actually wasn’t so bad. Sex most often still felt connected, playful, exploratory, and at times even transcendent. Faking it is complicated, because it genuinely feels good to make your partner feel good. And, as Annabelle pointed out, artifice can feel powerful and exciting .has increased in direct proportion with my confidence to assert what I do and don’t like in bed . The moral of the story is that every woman should be gay for at least three years. You’re welcome.
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