For years, ever since I was at school, men have been mean and cruel to me. How do I make them stop?
Wherever I go men seemingly make it their business to bully and harass me. What makes me so attractive to bullies? How do I find the energy to deal with them? I’ve tried counselling, but counsellors seem overwhelmed by the sheer scale of my problem and have nothing useful to say.
Another colleague confided in me that he has been falsely convicted of hideous sexual crimes, the details of which he did not spare me, and which he claims to be innocent of. It was a shocking story to be made party to. I suspect it was all lies designed to upset me. Another colleague cornered me and made lewd suggestions, including that he should be my pimp. I rejected him.
The first defence is to avoid the bullies wherever possible. When you walk away, imagine you are walking away from a stranger. This way your body language will communicate a lack of interest in them. A bully wants you to react, take away your power, generally diminish you and make you feel bad. So don’t show them you feel hurt, scared or angry, and don’t react, then the bully loses their own power rather than eroding yours.
No one deserves bullying and it shouldn’t happen, but experiences throughout life can cause us to develop a victim mentality – it can become part of our identity, but it is an adaptation to environment and can be changed. Past experiences can make us hyper-vigilant so that we begin to assume every situation is about us. This reinforces our negative view of others and about life.
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