We've sorted out Harry Kane, we've sorted out Erling Haaland. Now we explain precisely how and why Cristiano Ronaldo has zero real goals that count.
Cristiano Ronaldo was up to his old tricks for Portugal this week, extending his international world record by scoring his 124th and 125th goals for his country. But, surprise, surprise, one of them came from the penalty spot.
Arguably even funnier is the fact we can bin off two-thirds of a hat-trick against Spain at Russia 2018 because his clown-shoes defence couldn’t keep the ball out at the other end , while the opening goal in what would turn out to be a miserable 4-2 defeat to Germany at Euro 2020 also disappears from the record.
Two hat-tricks in qualification for the 2014 World Cup are easy meat for us here, because neither Northern Ireland nor Sweden have ever won the World Cup, have they? A fourth goal against Sweden from that qualification campaign also goes. Racking them up now, aren’t we? A goal in a rare Portugal win on their way to Euro 2016 ‘glory’ – against Wales – can be cheerfully written off as well.
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