Psychotherapist Kayleigh Waters explains how behaviors like arguing or jumping on the sofa may actually indicate strong parenting. Emotional security comes from consistent love, not perfection, and children who feel safe express themselves openly—even if it seems disruptive.
Ever lie awake wondering if you’ve got parenting completely wrong? You’re not the only one. Between perfectly filtered family life on Instagram and a flood of advice, it’s easy for self-doubt to kick in – especially if your child is talking back, or always says they're bored.
But here’s the surprising thing: according to psychotherapist Kayleigh Waters, what might look like 'bad' behaviour from your child is actually proof that you're doing parenting brilliantly! Kayleigh, one of Netmums' Parent Supporters, says: 'Many parents will question at times whether their child is feeling happy and secure at home. It's important to remember emotional security doesn't stem from having a perfect parent, but instead from consistent family connection and love.
' Here are the unexpected signs you're a great parent... Your child argues with you Arguments, eye-rolls and pushback can feel like disrespect. But it can point to something much more positive. Kayleigh says, ‘To some, “talking back” may be viewed as a sign of disrespect, but it may be a positive sign that your child feels truly listened to at home.
'They are not afraid to be truthful with you, even when this means disagreeing or talking about difficult things. This suggests that you are fostering an environment where your child isn't scared of being shut down, they feel able to bring their own ideas forward.
' Your child is always jumping on the sofa A noisy, messy, slightly chaotic home isn’t always a bad sign. In fact, it can mean your child feels relaxed.
‘Children are naturally wired to play, this is their way of discovering and exploring their environment,’ says Kayleigh. So whether they’re jumping off the sofa or pretending to be animals, that kind of behaviour has a purpose. She adds, 'Although it may feel disruptive at times, a child who feels able to be silly is likely feeling comfortable in their own skin.
It also suggests they are not fearful of being judged, and you are providing a safe space where they can be their authentic self.
' Your child complains they are bored When your child says ‘I’m bored’, you might feel like you need to step in. You don’t.
‘Hearing your child say “I’m bored” may bring feelings of guilt… but unstructured free time can be very beneficial for children,’ Kayleigh explains. Boredom gives children a chance to develop their imagination and build their problem solving skills. Kayleigh adds: 'Finding a balance between planned activities and free time can be a difficult balance, but parents don't need to feel obliged to entertain their child constantly.
Giving your child the space to feel bored and find their own fun is a positive approach.
' Your child calls you out It might feel frustrating in the moment, but if your child holds you accountable it's a good sign. 'It may feel challenging to hear your child question your actions, but it is a positive sign of trust and security in your relationship together,' says Kayleigh. 'This could include your child reminding you about promises made, or pointing out when you have broken usual routines.
'Their honest feedback highlights the safety within the relationship, they are not fearing a negative reaction. This also suggests that they feel able to voice their concerns openly and have trust that you as a parent will stick to your word, or provide explanation of why changes have been made.
' You feel like you're always apologising Everyone loses their patience sometimes. What matters is how you handle it.
‘We all make mistakes and being able to own up and apologise as a parent is a good sign you are being mindful of your responses and your child’s wellbeing,’ says Kayleigh. 'Taking time to say sorry can allow for repair after a difficult moment, strengthening your bond. This also acts as healthy modelling for your child that no one is perfect and sets an example that it is good to make amends and be responsible for your actions.
' Why you doubt yourself – and why that's normal Second-guessing yourself comes with the job of parenting. ‘It is natural that parents want to be their best self for their children, questioning your own behaviour can be a sign of how motivated you are to get things right,’ Kayleigh says. But it’s easy to feel under pressure. Social media, constant advice and new challenges like screens and tech can all add to it.
That’s why it can help to keep things in perspective. As she puts it, ‘It can be helpful to try and reframe to avoid an all or nothing mindset. One mistake does not mean you are failing. Celebrating small wins can allow parents to recognise everything that they are doing to support their child, rather than focusing only on what has gone wrong.
' The everyday sign your child feels loved and secure You might not always be sure how your child is feeling — but there are clues. She says, 'When home feels like a safe place, you may notice that your child does feel comfortable to show a full range of emotions, including tears. This may mean you are the person who sees big meltdowns after a long day of them holding it together at school.
This can highlight that your child views you as a safe person. And if they come to you when they’re worried or scared, it shows they trust you to help. Kayleigh says emotional security comes from consistent connection and support — not getting everything right.
'Your child is trusting that you can provide help and comfort when they are struggling. This can help them to feel confident enough to explore and play independently knowing that their parents are a source of support when needed. '
Parenting Child Behavior Emotional Security Family Connection Psychotherapy