'Boundaries' are multiplying, transforming friendships into transactional relationships and fostering loneliness.
In just such a case, a man named Marcus Shepard got more than 12 million views on his post bragging of a breakup with a friend with whom he hadn’t had “meaningful offline contact in almost a month.”Dumping a friend for four weeks of being out of touch and then posting the text exchange online is extraordinary, thus earning Shepard his virality. But in many ways, Shepard was perfectly embodying the clinical and alienated spirit of our age.
“Care work” is the phrase for what used to be called “friendship” or “advice.” That’s fitting in a world that tries to sanitize and sterilize human life — that tries to replace relationships, which can be so, with transactionships in which consent is asked and received at every single step without presumption.
In such a world, “personal boundaries” are not merely how we protect our privacy or reject inappropriate behavior. Boundaries now surround every inch of ourselves and dictate all aspects of our social lives. Texting too much crosses a boundary. Texting too little crosses a boundary. Befriending the wrong people crosses a boundary. And becausebecomes the sole determinant of morality, and autonomy the highest good, we end up living fully bounded lives.I won’t give up my airplane seat; don’t let your dog step on my front lawn; it’s sad she got shot, but she pulled into a stranger’s drivewayYes, boundaries are necessary.
That can be almost oppressive. Today, no doubt, we err in the opposite direction. Excessive boundaries are why young people don’t get married, and it’s why we don’t have babies. An era of boundaries has caused an epidemic of loneliness.
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