Do you find it hard being vulnerable and intimate with your partner? That’s totally normal. Here are four clear gateways to greater intimacy.
The secret to mature intimacy is simply sharing openly what you're feeling in the moment.Terry was quiet. Not surprised, but shocked.We asked, “Do you want me to teach you how to express your feelings? Do you want me to help you be more vulnerable?”“I’ve been ‘milking’ him for years unsuccessfully, please help him express his feelings!”
All too often in the clinic we see individuals and couples who struggle to express their emotional world. In its very gendered form we’ll see the following dynamic: men labeled as indifferent, aloof, or simply emotionally challenged; women, on the other hand, labeled as too much, too emotional, all over the place, overwhelmed, or flooded with intense emotions.
The simple truth is that by openly sharing what’s happening within, you’re already on the way to mature intimacy. Yes, it’s that simple.The first gateway seems the easiest, yet for many it's a challenge:For us to be able to share our feelings openly, we must first acknowledge them, validate them, and finally share them openly. Feelings aren’t good or bad; some are more or less pleasant, but all feelings are extremely important guideposts to learning more about ourselves.
Tears were rolling down Iris’s face as she witnessed her partner connect to himself and dare to share his internal world. She finally let go of being responsible for his feelings and was free to feel herself. At that moment they were “feeling, together.”Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. .is a clinical social worker and a licensed couple and family therapist based in Israel. He offers online individual, couple, and family therapy. Assael trains and lectures internationally about therapy, relationships and improvisation.
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