There are waiting lists to work in a soup kitchen on Christmas - that says it all
I’m writing this while sitting on the floor of the train after storm Bert turned my journey back to London from South Wales into theThe train is so packed with people I haven’t managed to get a seat and after standing for half an hour I decide to cave in.
Oh, excuse me a minute, someone wants to use the toilet. Little tip if you’re sitting on the floor of a train: try not to be in the backdraft of the urinal.I always get recognised when I’m doing something humiliating. “Er, yes, yes I am.” They ask why I’m sitting on the floor of the train. I tell them it’s just a hobby and they seem to believe me.
Talking of food, have you ever tried to make Christmas dinner for more than three people? It’s like being a sous chef for Gordon Ramsay. So stressful. You need better timing than Eric Morecambe. People expect the Christmas excess that’s promoted on television and magazines. It’s sickening. All this bird within a bird bollocks – you’re not Henry the Eighth. Bread sauce? Whose sick idea was that?
Okay so I’m off the floor now and have found a seat. The man next to me has not stopped coughing since I sat down. He doesn’t make the slightest effort to cover his mouth.
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