Miss Manners: Social media death announcements feel impersonal
My husband’s close relative died. We found out by chance because an announcement appeared on our social media feeds. We did not receive a private message, a text or a phone call. We don’t use social media very often; if we hadn’t seen the announcement, we wouldn’t have known.
My husband’s relative loved him very much, and I thought it was insensitive for the family not to notify him personally. After the wake, which was also online, I messaged them privately and said so. They responded that I was rude and selfish. They said that they, the bereaved party who organized the funeral and wake, were entitled to manage it in a way that made their grief easier to bear. Then they blocked me on social media, which is fine with me.
It’s my feeling that when someone dies, there is no “easy.” There’s only politeness, and the polite thing to do is to inform people personally that someone they care about has died. That shows consideration for those who will mourn the loss of the deceased, and gives them a chance to show respect and support for the bereaved.
Social media announcements that close relatives may see by chance are not polite, in my view. I’ll concede that I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, especially since they’re my in-laws, but isn’t it fundamentally rude not to inform family members directly that someone has died?One is likely to stumble when claiming the moral high ground too soon after committing the almost unpardonably rude act of scolding the chief mourners for their handling of the death announcements.
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