LalalaLetMeExplain has another difficult reader's letter to respond to with helpful advice
In Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.
He smokes around three spliffs every night but the problem is that he is very reliant on it to the point it damages other things. For example, we are struggling to conceive naturally, he has some issues with his sperm which we have been told are likely caused by smoking. I have been making changes to increase our chances, but he is so reluctant to stop smoking even though he knows we can’t really have a baby until he does.
I’m hopeful for our future - we're currently considering moving to America for his job in the next few years, and we're planning marriage and children in the near future - but as we’re getting older him telling me he will quit “one day” is too vague. Am I wasting my time with someone who is always going to prioritise smoking over everything else in our lives? He won’t get any help as he is convinced nothing will work for him.
When we have loved ones who are battling addiction it can be very hard not to want to cushion them from harm. We pay for their drugs or drive them to pick up drink, all because we don’t want them to suffer and to cause our suffering as a result. However, this just enables them to continue the cycle. Employing the silent treatment and getting angry over tiny things aren’t good behaviours to be on the receiving end of when you’ve got a newborn baby to look after. He needs to focus on himself, you need to focus on you, whilst encouraging but not forcing him to get some help.
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