Rachel Stern's experience of emotional exhaustion and detachment from her children highlights the growing concern of parental burnout. This syndrome, characterized by chronic stress and feelings of inadequacy, can lead to thoughts of suicide, exceeding the severity of job burnout or depression. Research by academics Moïra Mikolajczak and Isabelle Roskam suggests parental burnout is more widespread than previously thought, impacting parents worldwide.
Most people with small children are worn out – but for some, the pressure of striving to be perfect parents can drive them to the edge
In a busy, perfectionist world, in which parents are trying to be the very best at home, at work and within their wider families, the term has gained traction, and is the subject of academic study at theat the University of Louvain in Belgium.
The term was conceptualised by Roskam and Mikolajczak. Roskam, who herself has five children, noticed a pattern in her clients. “I saw parents coming to a consultation talking about themselves, how they were suffering. Moira wondered: ‘Is there something similar to burnout, but in parents?’” Academically, the term emerged in the 1980s but had only ever been considered in families with severely ill or disabled children. But the pair’s research has found it to be more widespread.
The researchers attribute the cause of this particular burnout to a gap between a parent’s resources and the level of demands . They say it’s most prevalent in individualistic societies – Poland, Belgium, the US and Canada among them – where a high value is placed on personal achievement, perfectionism and self-reliance. ,” Roskam says. “It creates discrepancies between the mother you should be and the mother you are, and that’s exhausting.
The syndrome may be a relatively new label but it is not a new experience. “Parental burnout existed before but people were not interested,” Roskam says. Stories of mothers reaching breaking point or even walking out on their families have circulated for decades without their underlying reasons being explored. “My opinion is that mothers were exhausted by their maternal role but no one considered it an important or interesting topic.
When she examined what was triggering the feelings, she reassessed those, too. “I muted parent group chats with ‘one-up’ bragging rights and chose when to engage. On social media, I unfollowed a lot of ‘Hey guys, look how impressive I am’ types.”
Parental Burnout Stress Exhaustion Perfect Parenting Mental Health
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