The four most important things to remember.

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The four most important things to remember.
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The death of a loved one is always difficult to bear. Here are the four most important things to remember after suffering a loss.

Most of us find ourselves in survival mode after the death of a loved one. We often lapse into a state of shock to bear the pain of it all.

Having not fully accepted what had happened, I could give my daughter's eulogy. The shock began to wear off shortly afterward, and reality set in. I entered what the ancients called"the dark night of the soul," a time of inescapably excruciating sorrow. The days, weeks, and months we spend searching for the strength to survive the loss of a beloved parent, grandparent, spouse, child, family member, or friend are as unsettling and sorrowful as anything we have ever experienced. Trying to figure out if and how we're going to survive, we go from the surreal to the all-too-real and try to make sense of it all.-illiterate world, the people around us try to help us figure it out.

Some of us begin to fear we're so messed up that we're going to lose the world. We've lost someone we love and don't know how we're going to go on without them. Our life as we knew it has changed forever. How could we not feel messed up? I tell people who ask how I'm doing that"I walk with a limp in my heart." It's OK that you're not OK.

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