This article explores the author's experience with a pervasive FOMO, driven by a desire for deeper connection with friends, linked to the transition of midlife. It also delves into the psychological and sociological factors behind this yearning for connection and the effectiveness of new year resolutions.
I’ve experienced an existential Fomo (fear of missing out) over the past year. It’s not about a specific event. I’m not scrolling Instagram wondering why I haven’t been invited to some party or other (OK, I am also doing that). No, this Fomo is a free-floating unease that I am not spending enough time with friends.
This is partly because I have a bit more brain-space, due to changes in the rhythm of family life, freed from anticipating naptime, juggling school pick-ups and buying kids’ birthday presents. For now, the days aren’t chopped into “time confetti”, the phrase Brigid Schulte coined in her book Overwhelmed to describe “one big chaotic burst of exploding slivers, bits, and scraps”. This desire for connection is perhaps a symptom of middle age. Jonathan Rauch, author of The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After Midlife, wrote in 2018 that “evidence has emerged from economics, psychology and neuroscience showing that humans tend to go through a kind of emotional reboot around midlife”. Rauch describes it as as a transition, and it’s marked by a greater need to connect. This being the new year, I’ve contemplated a relationship resolution. Unlike brown-bread ones pledging to eat or spend less, this would not be punitive, but joyful. It’s easy to sneer about new year resolutions — Lord knows, I’ve done it. We’ve all seen gyms fill in January and empty soon after. Why not make changes instead on a random Wednesday in June? But Professor Katherine Milkman, a behavioural economist at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, finds the “fresh start effect” works — not just at the start of the year but at birthdays or at the start of term or the week, making people “particularly motivated to take actions towards their goals because they feel like they have a new beginning and a clean slate”. While she hasn’t observed such effects diminishing over the lifespan, she suggests to me that goals shift in tandem with changing ideas of happiness as we ag
FOMO Midlife Connection Relationships New Year Resolutions
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