Moving from blame to problem-solving can help your child become happier, more resilient, and more successful in every dimension of their life.
John Wooden was a famous basketball coach who didn't allow his players to blame others for their problems.When something goes wrong, it can feel natural to look for who or what’s to blame. This is as true for adults as it is for kids:, as well as the target of blame. Everything goes better when you put your focus on solving the problem instead of looking for who or what’s to blame.that Carol Dweck and many others have been investigating for the past three decades.
the best-selling book where Carol Dweck first described her research that explored the differences between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset., Dweck writes about people who have demonstrated the effectiveness of a growth mindset in action.
Wooden showed his players that failure is a wasted opportunity if you don’t own it. When you look for someone to blame, you miss the chance to learn from the problem.The best way to help your child move away from blame and toward owning their mistakes is to model that approach yourself.1. Talk to your child about the benefits of a growth mindset and how blame is a marker of a fixed mindset.
3. Ask your child to point out to you when you use blame. Ask for their help in reframing it as problem-solving.4. Your child is more likely to look for someone or something to blame when you are critical, impatient, and demanding. Try to treat your child’s use of blame with patience and kindness.5. Role play blame vs. accepting mistakes. Work with your child to create problem scenarios where you or your child might be tempted to blame.
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